A year has passed

No update, no post, nothing for a year, not even I viewed my own blog. Truth to tell, I have many things to say, but I don't know how to write it. I don't have writer's soul, only a reader soul. I'm a reader to the core, not because I'm a smart person, but the quite opposite, I'm not. I read mostly fiction, so how could it help me became smarter? Too bad I already like reading. I spent my spare time reading. I should spare more time in writing to accompany my reading habit. Now you can see how empty my blog is.

What can I say now after a year. There is no progress to mention, I'm in a complete stagnancy. There is no achievement to boast, I'm in a complete halt. There is no result to brag, I'm in a complete loss. After a year, nothing has changed. A bad luck I say. A bad luck of my own creation. I didn't try to create my own good fortune. What a lame lazy man I am.

Can you imagine someone is doing nothing for a year? I gain nothing this past year, not even a small insignificant change. I'm today as I was last year. Maybe even worse than last year, I can't tell, I'm not a judge for myself.

If I keep it this way, just a matter of time before my downfall. If I keep staying in one point, my chance to get to another point will surely diminishes soon or later. Soon I think, a day to meet my point of doom. Or maybe I'm already doomed, with no chance to know that I'm in very bad position.

Time, is like water flow, if I don't adjust myself to the flow, I'll be carried away to where I have no control. I need to be in harmony with the time flow. I must live in the present and prepare for the future. Living in the present is not enough, preparing for the future is the key to anticipate the time flow.

Oh... Now you see I'm in worse condition than I've written. I'm just babbling if not complaining... A year, I wasted it...

Yet another phone operator

Several days ago I got a starter pack issued by a wireless phone company named Axis from a friend of mine. At first I only wanted to try this brand new Indonesian cellular operator, but now I'm using it to set up an internet connection in my room.

Axis gives free internet access for its users until the end of this month, after that, I heard the GPRS based internet access will be charged Rp.1/kB. A quite competitive price compared to another GPRS services in Indonesia. I hope it learns from past experience concerning GPRS. Some years ago, IM3, a mobile phone operator had a problem with billing. It happened to their prepaid, a pay-first-use-later style. The problem was, some numbers with empty credit still could use the GPRS features and downloading tons of stuffs from the internet. it couldn't be used to call, sending messages and other standard features but GPRS. User's credit balance went to negative value because of the data transferred via GPRS. Since it was prepaid card, after the error was found, users just discarded their old SIM card with negative balance and ought a new one, in short they don't bother to pay the GPRS and change their number. As a result, the cost was fully on IM3's shoulders.

I had some troubles setting my connection. After almost killing myself (really) I could finally connect to the outside-the-shell world. Unfortunately, this test drive doesn't give me good impression yet, mainly because of its connection speed, too slow for my liking. Even if it's free forever, I'd rather have paid for decent connection with acceptable rate.

Note: This post was moved from my other blog.

Lies of life part two

Continuing previous post, here is what she told me about her problem.

She was 22 when she knew a quite shocking story about her father that she and her family didn't knew. Before marrying her mother, her father had been married and abandoned his first marriage. He just left his former wife and children without bothering about divorce and any other tidbits about family. He just simply vanished from his former family.

To make thing short, he then went to another town and start a new life there. In his new life he met her mother until finally married and had her and her siblings as children. For more than twenty-two years, he kept about his former marriage as secret, nobody in his new life ever knew him as a married guy, at least he was.

What bothering my friend's feeling is not about her father's deeply kept secret about his marriage. It's about his attitude toward his former wife and children. It's about responsibility as a husband and father. As a woman herself, he couldn't accept a man abandons his family without any sign of responsibility. In brief, it's about her father's ignorance. He was irresponsible man in her opinion. And an irresponsible man is not worth as a father.

Maybe some of us just simply think that kind of problem is only part of buried past, but once again she couldn't and still can't accept it. She feels ashamed about her father, especially after knowing her father's former family member. How a man with responsibility could just ran away neglecting his family and leaving them in desperate condition?

She also had a talk with his father's former wife, this made things worse. Her father's former wife is a nice person, she didn't mention about how cruel he is. She only told my friend about her struggles and hard times because of being a single parent. She told my friend about her endless struggle to keep alive in her early marriage. Even before she and her children were left behind, they're in difficult condition, socially and economically. Socially because they're living in absolutely alien society in another island, economically because they just started a family for four years but already had two children. They didn't even have their own house; they only rented a very small house. Once they're left, they had to move from one place to another, and the most difficult task was finding a job for a woman with two small children that she had to raise and take care of. Sometimes some people in her new place had negative opinion about her and didn't believe about her husband's irresponsible attitude. They said it's just her excuse to make life easier.

My friend also gave a strong point about two children being risen only by their mother in difficult and hard condition without ever remember seeing their father. Day by day they're being told by their mother that their father is missing and cannot be found. From waking up in the morning until going bed in the night, they pray to meet their father someday. This happened for more than twenty years.

Her father admitted what he had done, including what his former wife had told to my friend.

She couldn't continue telling me about anything he heard from his father's former wife. She can't imagine what people said about fatherless child. Maybe it's now a common thing not to know a child's father, but this happened more than twenty years ago, when there is only rare case about unknown father. And surely people opinion is different in twenty years time span.


After my friend told me almost every single piece of frustrating particle out of her mind, I asked her about the night before, about why she wanted to die. Ooops that was one time mindless illogical wish. So it seems, even a really logical and rational person, an emotionally hard-shocking event can bring someone out of mind, even for only short period of time.

Again, this time I said nothing about her story whatsoever. I only positioned myself as a good listener. Too bad I couldn't gather her dropping tears and return it to her :)

Lies of life part one

A close friend of mine just called me in the middle of the night. I thought it was a little bit weird for a girl with tight schedule to call me during her sleeping hour. I felt something could happen to her. And I was correct; she had something urgent to talk, at least for her it is an important thing.

She called me right after entering her room after came back from her parents’ house in another city in another province about 300 miles far. She said my name, but when I said "Yes," she hung up the phone. At first I thought she was kidding, but considering she is a rather serious person even in relaxed condition, I tried to call her back. No answer until my third attempt. I wouldn't dial that much times if she didn't call my name in the first time she called me that night. Also, I could detect something strange from her speaking tone, like someone sobs and tries to stop crying.

Again, my assumption was proven correct. When she answered, the first thing I heard was her cry. To be honest, I was glad she didn't talk to me in that condition directly, face to face. I might not be able to stand to see tears without letting my own tears drop. I’m too easy to influence emotionally. In another part, I tried patiently to pay attention but I was still wondering about her problem.

At last she said my name again, and I struggled to sound nice to cheer her up. It didn't work that way, she continued to drop her tears until some points I thought she was choking and running out of air. When she calmed down, I called her name, when she said "Yes?" I asked again about what going on. She didn't answer my question; she said she wants to die instead. And panic came to my mind, without second thought I asked about where she is, she told me that she was just arrived and she was in her house, and I said I'll be there in a moment. Her place is only five minutes walk, so I urged myself to get there half running.

Not quite surprising when I arrived there, two of her friends were still awake as usual, playing brand new PS3. I only said hi to them, and hurried to my friend's room. Inside her room I found her sitting on the floor still wearing her traveling clothes and her bag looked untouched. She was hugging her knees, crying silently with almost drained tears. Calmly I sat in front of her but she didn't appear to care, she didn't even bother to look at my face.

Finally after several minutes, she looked at me but didn't say anything. I it was a good sign to be aware of her surroundings. So I asked, "Better now? I'll be back in the morning." She only nodded. I got up and went outside. Before leaving I said to one of her friend to accompany her tonight, but she said she still want to play the game. I replied, "Play in her room, use headset and if she asks tell her I told you so." That worked so I went back to sleep, not in my room but their living room. She is not suicidal type, she is tough one, but I couldn’t take any chance.

The story temporarily ends here; I'll continue the story next time. But before that I just want to say that sometimes we can deal with someone in trouble just saying almost nothing and see the progress. Asking about the matter directly could help, but in this case I felt it could only bring her to worse condition. She was calm already so I left at that.

Unhealthy looser?

Exam, one word but has many effects in student's life. As a student myself, I can feel something different inside me when I encounter an exam. I can't describe what I feel, I also don't see the point to describe it because most of us know this kind of feeling and if I told you about how I feel, a difference and disagreement could occur. Strange enough, we feel similar, but there is a difference in translating our feeling in words. So now I just assume you have known and felt it.

Despite of how I feel, there is a physically detected behavior because of my emotional reaction about exam. Since two weeks before my mid-term exam begins, I've done more than usual. I go to bed about two hours after my usual schedule, and awake earlier by an hour. Every day I lack of three hours sleep to catch what I've missed in my study or just to reread what I've understood to make sure nothing is missing.

On second thought, it should be unnecessary to do extra works when approaching exam days if I studied properly. The problem is, I have almost a month absent from class because of my health condition. I don't think I'm an unhealthy neither a careless person. I just think I'm physically fragile. Accidentally trapped in a rain for an hour could bring a week in bed because of fever/cold. People think I'm tough, tough enough to play under heavy rain and stay on top condition. I was like that, but it has been about fifteen years since the last time I played soccer in rainy day. I feel I'm getting older and weaker, but I think I should be stronger now considering I'm still 24.

I need a solution about my health and body problem. My father told me that regular eat and enough sleep will improve my condition. But for most of my time, I have sufficient and even scheduled activity including sleeping and having meal. One of my friend once told me that I need something like exercise, work out and sport. I said wow to that, I walk every day for forty minutes in the morning and another forty in the afternoon between house and college. But nothing else can be categorized as sport nor exercise. Maybe I should try joining local sport club.

Legend in Dark Throne Omega server

I logged on to Omega today, and I found out that someone in Beta server holding same account name as me subscribed to premium membership/Legend member. This subscription costs USD 7.99 per month.

What next to do? Before going on, let me be a story teller.

Once upon a time, (lol) I had a Beta server account, my friend had both Omega and Beta account. When he left, he gave away both his Beta and Omega account. He gave his Omega account to me when he had 25 population, apparently he reseted his Omega account before gave it to me, so it looked like freshly created account. His Beta account was given away to someone else I don't know who. Just for information, by default, both Beta and Omega accounts started with same login and password because they're actually same account playing in different test versions. But it's possible to change either Beta or Omega account login information without affecting each other. What he did was changing his Beta login information (email and password) and let the other account as is so it can be used by two different people.

Back to main question, I now hold an Omega account with Legend status paid by someone I don't know yet. If I pretended to know nothing, I'd be morally wrong. If I gave my Omega account to Beta owner, it would break Dark Throne rules. Yes, I'm not kidding, transferring an account to another person is considered illegal/cheating. I do admit that I acquired my current Omega account in illegal way, but to give away again means another rules-breaking move. So now I still have no clue what to do next. There is third option, PM'ing Beta account owner to ask for opinion first.

Note: This post was moved from my other blog

No more playing EO?

I have an account in Endless Online main server, my main character name is Gundala, member of Tuga Legendary Clan (TLC). Since my monitor was broken more than a month ago, I didn't play EO anymore. And just now, I downloaded .27b but I don't know what to do next because I can't remember my password, and the worst part is I also can't remember my account name.

Sounds bad? I'm desperate now... The only thing keeps me playing and make me want to get back to the game is my friends there.

There should be a way to recover forgotten account name using email, secret question and real name or location. Without it, we can only rely on our imperfect brain.

O wise elder, help me...